Christmas Production

Ever work so hard at something and then end up slightly disappointed with the result? And really, at the end of the day, it's out of your control, it's just how it went? That's how I felt after the Christmas performance (if we can call it that, as performing wasn't necessarily the focus), but I left with more than I had expected. A full heart.

For weeks, we had listened to songs, learned parts, and tried to understand the bigger picture. The band and vocalists would get together frequently and rehearse all the music for hours in anticipation of the day when it would all come together. At times it felt as if it never would. It was definitely a huge growing experience for everyone who was involved.


And then the dress rehearsal came. After all the blood, sweat, and sometimes tears, it was finally coming together. But there were some unexpected set backs. The worship leader at our church got into a terrible car accident. And while he was in tact and out of the emergency room on the day of the performance, he was stiff and sore. My heart ached for him. He put so much work into the whole thing, far more than I, and he wasn't able to participate to the capacity that he wanted to, and that we (thought) needed him to. And the day before the performance was really difficult. It was hard not to have a definite person to look to for direction, someone who had been there all along and who had lead every aspect of the production. Save for a few mishaps, everyone came together as best as possible. And by the end of it, we were feeling good. Stressed, maybe a little hurt and tired, but ok.


The day of, we did a quick dress rehearsal and most of it went much better than in past weeks. I got excited. It was almost over. The reason for all of this work was upon us, and then we could congratulate each other, hug each other, and move on to the next thing. We prayed as a community of worshippers before kick-off, and one guy in the room, a guy I don't know well but would love to know better, made an amazing point. First, he emphasized our thanks as a group to our leader. We could not have done it without him. He deserves to be acknowledged. My heart echoed his sentiments one million times, as I really appreciated being able to look to our team leader. And it was unfortunate that our leader couldn't join us for everything, but this guy went on to say that the devil will do whatever he can to hinder something as beautiful as this. The enemy will always try to throw us off our game, but we have victory. And no matter what happened that day, God would be glorified, and that really truly is the reason that we do any of this. Amen.

Need more rest, right here

The performance began. I have to say, I wasn't at all disappointed with the entire thing, I was mostly hard on myself when all was said and done. I felt that I did well during the rehearsal, and then didn't bring my A-game when it was time. I don't usually mess up too much, so messing up a little bit leaves me with some regret. But what happened by the end of it, no matter how many wrong chords or flat notes, was beautiful and moving. God moved. He swept in like a gentle breeze and took hold of the community. And we stood and worshipped in absolute awe of the miracle of Christmas, and the sovereignty of our Lord. Our senior pastor walked to the pulpit with tears in his eyes as he spoke. It was a spectacular scene. To be able to witness God work in the community, and especially in the soft hearts of this churches leaders was an awesome thing to be part of. 


It was relieving when it was all said and done. I think everyone felt like we had accomplished something, But what happened on the inside, underneath all the lights and music and coordinated clothing/accessories is what matters, and is something I won't soon forget. 


-SP

Christmas Eve

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

Jack Frost nipping at your nose...

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir...

And folks, dressed up like eskimos...

What a beautifully familiar picture this paints in my head. Perhaps that's why it's my favourite holiday song. A relaxing scene, quite contradictory to the mostly busy season that Christmas is, but then Christmas Eve comes...

The busyness lessens, the traffic wanes, and if we are lucky there is fluffy, glittery snow falling from a lightly clouded sky, one where you can still see the glimmering stars. Christmas specials are on television, the fire is crackling (or, if you don't have a fireplace, the fire channel on tv), and old carols are playing in the background. I am lucky this year to sit in a beautiful house with my husband, curled up on the couch under our favourite blanket in comfy clothes with a cup of hot chocolate that may or may not have an ounce of liquor in it. We also have, for the second year in a row, built a Lego creation this evening. That is our tradition. I am excited that we are starting to have our own little family traditions.

I love Christmas Eve, much more than Christmas Day. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's the anticipation of tomorrow morning, maybe it's the candlelit service at church. But there is something magical and exciting about Christmas Eve. I may never be able to pinpoint what exactly it is, but I love it. I wish I could be more descriptive. 

This year's Lego creation

I find myself beginning to really reflect on the past year. 2010 has been a trying, but equally exciting time for us both. I have seen the end of two toxic relationships as well as a new beginning to two other relationships. We moved cities, we have built relationships with new people and a new community that we now call our best friends and our home, we have both gotten serious about our music careers and have gotten some amazing opportunities to play this year, and we saw our first anniversary. And the year is not over yet, although I think we both are hoping for an uneventful week.

Come the New Year, I'm sure there may be one or two reflective blogs. But for now, we bask in relaxation and Christmas specials. What a wonderful life.

-SP

Bah Humbug

Last year's Lego creation!

I am feeling much more festive than usual. Usually, I am more of a Grinch than anything, loathing the Christmas season and all that comes with it. I don't like snow, cold temperatures, long lines, traffic jams, or familial function obligation. I do like relaxation, some Christmas music, the lights and light displays, hot chocolate, decorating a tree and our newest tradition which is putting together a giant Lego thing on Christmas Eve. But the bad generally outweighs the good and I am more excited for the time when the tree comes down than for when it goes up.

But this year is different. Perhaps it's the environment change, maybe it's that some key relationships in our lives have been healed, but whatever the reason I am actually excited about Christmas. Last year, I did our cards for family and friends very last minute, and some cards were never sent out. The year before that, I didn't do cards at all. This year, however, I have my list, have checked it twice and have over half of our cards written and addressed and ready to be mailed.  It could also be that we aren't doing any Christmas shopping this year. We have opted for a more non-traditional gift, purchasing from or donating to charity; we just need to do some research and decide what suits us best. My husband is wondering what has gotten into me, and honestly I don't know, but I am excited!

The weird part is that this is probably one of the harder Christmases for me. In April of this year, I cut off relationship with my father entirely. We haven't spoken or seen each other since, and won't unless and until he accepts responsibility for his actions (if you have no clue what I'm talking about, read here). So this year, I have needed to do some major juggling. I was invited to a family barbecue by my aunt on my father's side this summer. I had to ask my cousin, who invited me, if my father would be there, because if he has confirmed then I could not attend. Then, for Thanksgiving, I was in Edmonton to see my family at which time we had a dinner at my grandpa's house and my father was strictly not invited. Christmas will be much the same, as will any other family functions that he would attend. Before that, I had a conversation with him a few weeks before my wedding explaining to him that he could not walk me down the aisle. Of course, there would be exceptions to the rule. I would never miss a wedding or a funeral even if he is to attend, but if it were a wedding I would request to be seated at a different table, and at a funeral I wouldn't make any effort to acknowledge him.

But at the same time, even with all the juggling and the questions and the awkward conversations, I feel free. I feel happy. I know that I am doing to right thing by putting up a boundary and sticking with it. I know that I have clearly said to him that though I won't contact him, as the ball is in his court, he has the ability to change everything by accepting that he is wrong. I do hope that one day he does, and for now I need to make some difficult stands and decisions against him. But it's for the good.

So this Christmas, as difficult as it will be in some senses, it will be an excellent one. We are spending Christmas day with my husband's family, and are having a mini-Christmas with our really good friends. I might even pull out the decorations next week and start making the house pretty. This is the first time in years that I am enjoying this wonderful season. I might even lose my Grinch status.

-SP