Marriage Part 2: Soul Mates?

I have had this conversation several times. Is there such thing as soul mates, or are there many people out there that could exceed at being "the one"? Before now, I hadn't formed much of an opinion on the matter, I just believed that one day I would find someone who would be a perfect match for me.

The other day, my husband and I were talking about a recent sermon at church. Near the end of the message, the pastor started to speak into the lives of some of the members. He made a broad statement, feeling as if it would hit home with at least one person, encouraging single people in the congregation to let God choose their mate for them. This caused me to reflect on my own relationship later in the week. My husband was placed in my path three times before I took notice of him. When I did, I quite literally needed to choose as I was seeing someone else at the time.

In looking back now on the things that we have gone through as a couple, I can see how God has so beautifully orchestrated our relationship. He brought me a man who is so willing to help me through my own personal struggles, and who is so committed to working out absolutely any issue that we encounter together. I really do believe that he was chosen for me as my husband. Yes, I did need to choose him, but I fervently prayed for a husband who had the same love for Christ and a desire to grow with me and God gave me a suitor.

But if I hadn't chosen my husband, would there be another? Or would I have lost out on my one soul mate? I remember a conversation from a long time ago with a friend I had at the time. We had a similar discussion, and she asked if I think that there is only one person out there for each person, or if we are allowed to choose. I hadn't really thought about it much at that point in my life, despite all the eligible bachelors that I was juggling/pining after. She said that she thinks that God lets us choose our mates, and then honours our choice. And while I think that at the heart of the matter, she may be correct, I think of things a bit differently.

I believe that God honours the desires of our hearts, because he placed them there. I have written before about how I believe I was created to be married. I have always had a desire to find the person that I am to be with and marry him. I searched for love and convinced myself it existed in relationships that it didn't. I was obsessed with it. But I spent a long period of time between serious relationships at one point. I was single for about two years, and while I would date I didn't enter into anything long-term. That was the point when I began to pray into my future marriage. I didn't want just anyone to fill that void, I wanted the right man, one chosen by God for me. I didn't want to feel as if I needed to compensate for him spiritually, emotionally or financially. I wanted someone who would lead me, be the head of the house, set the pace, and be after the same things that I am. I believe that God did, in fact, honour these desires. He gave me three opportunities to meet get to know my husband before I finally realized what a gift he is to me. But I also believe that if I had not chosen him, or if my husband did not choose me, there would be another.

I am reminded of a story I heard once at a conference. I can't remember the bulk of what was spoken about, but I distinctly remember one thing in particular that the speaker said. He was telling a story about someone he knew (I think). This person was called to something big, something weighty. He wrestled with it, and asked God "why me?" It was then he was deeply humbled. He felt in his spirit that God said to him "you aren't my first choice, you are my third."

I think that we can want God's will, but we can also reject it. That is our Eden right. This goes for everything, including choosing your spouse. There could very well have come a day when I would meet someone and say "why him?" and I could hear "he wasn't my first choice, but you rejected the others".

I don't believe in soul mates. But I do believe that when one submits to God's will, to His plan, that person will be honoured. I have absolutely been honoured with the man that was hand picked for me.

-SP