The Professional Pretender

My passion is music. My husband and I are both musicians, and are very fortunate to be able to play fairly often. Performing is so much fun. I feel at home on stage. It's like this whole other personality comes to life when I let myself go and just be in the music and perform the song. There is no hint of insecurity, I am just this confident, energetic, passionate woman when I have a mic in my hand and am performing for a crowd. I feed off the band and the dancing and feel as if nothing could go wrong in that moment, despite any personal struggles I may be going through in that period of life. And when it is a smaller, more intimate setting, maybe an acoustic set, I just get lost in the music. I think about how I feel, what the words say, and how the music sounds. Performance is an awesome way for me to express myself.


But I have often wondered if I am being something I'm not. My husband and I had a conversation recently about what it means to perform. I said to him that, to me, performance is about conveying the message of a song without necessarily believing in it entirely. And I think that for me, it's true. I can to some degree relate to most of the songs that I perform, but don't always agree with the message or condone what is being talked about. But I am a good performer. To me, it's about getting whoever is watching engaged in what you are singing with how you sing it. But does that make me fake?

The performer in me

I don't know. My aim in everything is to be authentic. If I am not genuinely interested, I won't ask the question. If I don't care, I won't put my heart into it. So if I don't agree with a song, is it not authentic for me to perform it with all of me? Am I a professional pretender? I guess it would be similar to acting; I must get into character and play a part to convey the message of a song clearly. But it's just weird to think about. I have never thought of performance like this before.


I don't think this is a bad thing. I love performing, it makes me feel so good and I know that I am doing what I should be when I am. It's just a new perspective. And the more that I do it, the more I will gain insight into the art as a whole. But it really is true that you can be one person in one setting, and your truer self in another. Performance is the exaggerated, less real version of myself, but it seems appropriate for the stage.


-SP