Entitled Conversationalists

I am still really good at the art of Dutch Blitz

I have written recently about how language is a dying art in one sense, but after some keen observations over the past couple months I think that things can be simplified. It's not just poetry, it's general conversation. The ways that we express ourselves has changed significantly. Song lyrics are more and more trivial and without substance, phone conversations have been replaced with texts, hand written letters have been replaced with e-cards or two line emails, and conversational courtesies are being forgotten. Here are a few examples of what I mean.

I answer phones at work about 65 percent of the time. Now, I am not a phone talker, and am the first to admit that I prefer a text message over a phone call (which my mom might find weird since I was on the phone every single day when I was younger). But when people call in, as much as I dislike that form of communication, I am conscious about the way I might be perceived on the other line. I am polite, conversational and eager to serve. But when people don't get the response they desire, for example if the president of the company chooses not to take their call as I screen them, I get hung up on. Seriously? I may not enjoy most phone conversations, but part of it may be how rude people are when they are on the phone with me. There are some people that I love talking to, like my best friends, my husband, my mom, my siblings and my grandparents. But most of the time I would rather not speak on the phone because people are rude. My friends aren't the ones that have made me into this anti-phone person, it's two years of answering phones at work.


And then there's emails. Working at an office job has also turned me off to a lot of emails. I have gotten really pushy and rude emails, where people use capital letter to emphasize their (usually wrong) point. If I were to translate that into real life, face-to-face conversation, it woud seem that that person was raising his voice at me. I don't accept that. I don't accept everyday abuses, and have quite readily pointed out how extremely unnecessary those types of correspondances are. 


In looking at the chat feature on facebook in particular, I have struck up conversation with many people, people who I wouldn't normally speak to using phone or email. I am astonished at how many times simple conversational courtesies are forgotten or ignored. Just the other night I said hi to an old friend. He said hello back, I asked him what's going on, he told me, and then silence...no "how are you" or "hey, really busy at the moment and can't talk, but let's talk another time", just silence. This made me upset. I understand if you are busy, and even understand if for some reason you just don't want to talk so you make up an excuse not to. But I don't like silence, especially when it's been engrained in me to wait for and expect the same interest in return. Sure, it may be completely superficial interest, but it's something. I don't like it when I am the only one driving the conversation, and feeling that way has caused me to seriously re-evaluate some past friendships. The link provided sites one such example.


This got me thinking about other forms of expression that are becoming more and more superficial and lack luster by the second. Pop music, for example. Every song sounds the same. And while they are great to dance to, and fun to listen to, there's nothing to them. Some artists are amazing and play real songs about something relatable, but most don't. And that's the formula for success, it seems. The more upbeat and fake the tune, the more money you will make.


When did we stop wanting substance in expression? When did we stop asking real questions and showing real interest? When did hanging up without saying goodbye become the norm? I saw Taylor Mali in youtube perform this poem about speaking with conviction. It's kind of off topic, but it's worth a watch. He was a teacher before he was  full-time poet, and he has a lot of great things to say about how we communicate and express ourselves. Take a look through his work.


So if you care, show it. If you call someone, don't hang up before saying goodbye. If someone asks how you are, ask back and listen to the response. We have become a society of entitled non-listeners, and that's not ok.


-SP