Relax

One of the most relaxing places I have ever been to

I am pretty sure I was born with the inability to just relax. I can't just be. I am go go go, no matter the consequence and I have gotten myself into trouble with it before. For example, there is one Sunday I was so sick but I was supposed to be on a worship team at church. I got up, went to church with literally no voice and managed to sing some manly sounding harmony. I barely got through the morning, was utterly exhausted by the end of it, and my smooth, dulcet but manly tones were reduced to an almost inaudible whisper by the time the service was over. I think that I even went out for lunch that day.


Tonight I was bored. I was so bored I began doing annoying things on purpose (usually I do them a bit more unintentionally). I had a hard time just sitting at home, watching television or listening to music or reading, and felt like I would be missing something important if I stayed home. As the night continued drawing to a close, I decided to have a bath. It was glorious. I poured my aromatic bath salts into the warm water and just relaxed. It was quiet. My husband sat in the other room and read a book while I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the soothing warmth.


I have been missing what is important all along by trying not to miss anything. I haven't given myself an opportunity to sit and recuperate. I am learning to just be...be quiet, be still, be open, be content, be at peace, be relaxed. I have a hard time being just one of those things, let alone all of them. It is completely opposite to my personality type. Being relaxed and at peace means that I let my guard down and don't try so hard. Not that I am 'trying too hard', I hope that you know what I mean. I am finding words hard to come by. I like to call it ambition or being goal oriented, but really it's not prioritizing correctly. My health, both physically and emotionally, should be higher up on the list of things to take care of, or I'll never be able to take care of the people I love.


I have much more free time lately than I am used to, but I feel like I have gotten to know who I am in a crucial way in the silence. Without the other 'stuff' cluttering my world, I can just be myself.