The Single Life

My husband is away for the majority of this week. I was used to him being away this summer; he was gone almost very weekend and any spare time was spent on vacation, or visiting with family/friends that were in town. But now it is fall. My siblings and many of my friends are in school or working full-time. I am tired from my usually long days at work, walking in the door between 5:30 and 6, and I am not used to the quiet. It's like I am having to re-learn how to be single for this short time. What did I do? How did I fill my alone time? Was I always this anxious when I didn't have someone to keep me company?

Honestly, I don't know. My life has been so wrapped up in my husband since I met him. I met him in July of 2007 at a CD release party. We met once and I thought about him for some time after, but neither of us made a move. Then I met him again a month later at another show he was playing, briefly complimented his guitar savvy, and then didn't see him until late October. Late October was the ticket. We had time for an actual conversation, and there was an immediate attraction. I was actually seeing someone else at the time, but not seriously, and that quickly ended when my husband walked in. He had me from the beginning.

I was like a little girl when she has her first crush. All I wanted to do was talk to him. I would wait with such anticipation for his text messages, and then we moved to phone conversations. We talked every night, and at the time he was in Edmonton a lot even though he lived in Calgary. So we made plans for dinner (we cooked together) and then made plans for a second date. In early November, he told me that he had feelings for me and I told him the same. By January we were saying 'I love you', and we both knew that we would be married one day. The following November we were engaged. It was the most exciting relationship I had ever been in! For the past (almost) four years, he has been my whole life, my best friend, my confidant. And now, even though it is only for a short time, he is gone.

I am finding it exceptionally difficult to be away from him as we get closer and more in tune with each other. But I support him and love him and know that this is his dream, this is his calling. I never want to stand in the way of that, especially knowing that he would never ever stand in the way of my dreams. And don't get me wrong, I'm not a basket case or slipping into a depression or something. It's just hard to be away from him.

Us and Ciana!

But at the same time, being away from each other for extended periods is something that we will need to learn. I want to go to school in Boston (Berklee, here I come!) and my husband would stay in Calgary and work and do music. We will be apart for a month (or more) at a time. So what was I like when I didn't have constant companionship? How did I occupy my time? Was I always this anxious?

It's weird to have to re-learn independence. I have always been an independent person, but I acknowledge that I need my husband. I need his strength, I need his love, I need his support, I need his time, I need his attention, I need him. I lack the life skills to live without that constant companionship I crave. So how do I learn to do without? With time, I suppose. I hope.

-SP