The Best Of Me

The love of my life :)

My husband and I had a really great conversation a while ago. We were out for a drive, having coffee, and we talked about how we interact with each other versus how we are with our close friends. We both concluded that we act with much more patience and grace with our friends and families than we do with each other. Isn't that backwards?

My husband is my best friend, truly. He has been one of the only steadfast, loyal, completely trustworthy people in my life in the years that we have been together. Yes, I have many friends and a few close friends that I share in my life with. But with most of those people, save for one or two, I am particular about the aspects of my life that I share with them, affording them glimpses into certain areas and closing off other areas to them, like a red velvet rope at a museum; they may wonder what is behind it, what would happen if they touched it, but are not given that opportunity. I think back to someone that I considered a close friend for years. We knew each other for a long time and were involved in a lot of the same activities at church and in school, but there were parts of my life, huge parts of my life, that I chose not to let her in on for fear of judgement because of her lack of understanding. I operate in this manner for the vast majority of my relationships.

Being my best friend, the person that I love spending my time and life with much more than anyone else, my husband should get the best of me. I should be able to have more patience, more grace, more understanding for him. But that's just not how it is. He doesn't get the worst of me, but he doesn't get my best. I am impatient, crude, uncaring and without grace at times. I get annoyed easily and jump to conclusions even in the instances that I know him better than that.

But the terrible thing is that I would never treat a friend like that. If there was something that a friend did or said that would cause me to step back and evaluate, I would ask for clarification rather than get upset. I am much less likely to become angry or annoyed with a friend than I am with my best friend and companion. Why is that?

We talked about it a bit more, saying that perhaps it's because of security. I know that if I were to fly off the handle, or be repeatedly annoyed and without grace, he will still be there tomorrow. And maybe it's safety. I know that I am safest with my husband, so maybe I feel more able to explore harsher emotions. I don't necessarily feel that same sense of security with my friends. A friend has the ability to walk away from the relationship because of a bad day. They are not obliged in any way to stick around . I know that, because I have walked away from relationships before with little warning or emotion. Maybe it's a fear of being walked away from that causes me to intentionally treat those I consider friends well consistently.

But this is not right! I am not saying that one should treat their friends with the same disregard as their partner. But if I am giving grace and goodness to my friends, then my husband should get that and more. He should get the absolute best of me. I should treat him with more love, with more grace and patience than anyone else in my world.

So we made a commitment. We helped each other become aware of this tendency, as we both struggle with it, and have committed to changing this trend in our relationship, a trend that we have seen in the marriages and committed relationships that our friends are engaged in as well. We have committed to try to give each other the best of ourselves. This will take time; we are certainly not perfect at it. But we are willing to try as best we can to first mimic the character that we display in our friendships, and then one day surpass that and give more to each other. He is my love, my life. He deserves the best of me.

-SP