For You, My Friends

I have lately seen the decline of many relationships. By lately, I mean in the past few years. I knew that once high school was over, I wouldn't keep in touch with even half of the people that I regularly hung out with, and so it was easy to accept when friends turned into acquaintances, and acquaintances turned into complete strangers. I am not so concerned with those as I am the relationships that I have more deliberately tested and left behind.

One of my dearest, closest friends

In the more recent past, I have not just drifted away from some people who were once close to me, but have also deliberately and clearly severed all ties. Telling someone that was once in a position of honour in your life that they can no longer occupy that space is not fun. Those conversations amounted to some of the most difficult talks I have ever had. They did occur for good reason; I don't regret the decision to 'break-up' with those people, as that has turned out to be the best, healthiest decision. But I do sometimes wonder if things could have been different.

Myself and my ladybugs at my besties's wedding

It is futile to wonder that, though, and I have truly been blessed beyond measure. In the times when I felt the biggest voids in my heart, those places were filled with better people. For the first time since I was in elementary school, I have two very close female friends that I call my best. We make time for each other, we trust each other, we have real conversations, we love each other no matter what. Nothing can replace that. I also cut ties with a family member. But in the time when I was most broken, God gave me a surrogate and really showed me how good that relationship could be. I have been extremely lucky.

My siblings and I. Gosh I love them!

From all those nights I was awake in bed, from all the tears I cried, from all the wrestling with myself, there has come peace and love and joy. God really honoured my faith, and gave me more than I could have imagined and asked for. For my friends, I am so thankful, and for my family, and those of you that I call my family, I am grateful. Nothing can replace you, because you have replaced all that was toxic. I so love you.

-SP