My Birthday Issue



Us at our going away party before moving to Calgary

 I will be 22 years old in a few short weeks. 22. Crazy. My husband recenly turned 25, so there has been a lot of celebrating happening in our household for the past little while. I love planning things for him. I love entertaining friends, I love having a few drinks and playing card games, I love cooking for guests, I love planning surprises, I love buying/making gifts, I love it all. Birthdays are really an excuse for me to do all of the above. It's my own birthday that I take issue with.

I grew up in a big family. I am the oldest of six kids. I love my siblings to death and there were so many awesome benefits of growing up with so many great friends in one house, but because we were halfway to our own hockey team, we didn't have a lot. We didn't do much for birthdays. If I wanted something done, I had to plan it, I had to figure it out. I hated to doing that. I don't like having to ask my friends to come and celebrate me. It seems weird, and I always wonder afterwards if they would have come out if I hadn't called them and asked them to. Am I important enough?

Since my husband has known me, I have always told him that I don't like birthdays. To be more specific, I don't like my own birthday. I don't mind growing older, I don't feel unaccomplished, I just don't like the festivities. I don't like being the centre of attention (unless I'm on stage), I don't like deciding what to do or where to go, I don't like having to think of gift ideas for myself, I just don't like it. I like a small dinner with one or two friends, and that's it. I don't even celebrate with my family most of the time.

I have been wondering what this disdain is rooted in. I always just brush it off and say something like "it's just a day", or "I just don't want to do anything". Is that what I really think, or is it deeper than that? Hmmm...

-SP