Balance

It is 3:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday, and I feel like it should be closer to bed time. My husband is sick with food poisoning, and I have lazed away the weekend watching the trashy reality television that I love so much and eating mac n' cheese. I was thinking yesterday about a few people I know who are always out and doing something. Their lives seem so full and exciting. They go out and experience the world while I sit indoors with hot chocolate and my laptop thinking about how fun it would be to do something. 


If you read my 100 things blog, you would know that I am bored easily; much more easily than the average person I think. I get into these sudden moods where I need to do something or I am restless and agitated. I need to go for coffee with a friend, or go to a lounge to have a drink, or just do anything. I have always been that way. I have always been out with friends on some sort of "adventure", experiencing the spontaneous and slightly dangerous part of life. I lived from day to day looking forward to the next thing, anticipating the next hair brained idea, excited to laugh and be with my friends. When I was a kid, my siblings and I spent all our time outside. My brother and I would spend anywhere from four to six hours in the park each day during the summer. Every winter we would get all our snow stuff on and head outside. We were active and played games and did things. I wonder where that has gone lately.


Recently, I have been more of a home body. I get home from work, exhausted, and don't want to do much other than sit at home and cuddle up on the couch. I think it's for a lot of reasons. Work is draining. It's hard to be working at something for eight hours a day that you aren't thoroughly passionate about. I find that it sucks the life out of me, but it pays the bills so I need to do it for now. Also, my husband and I are working very hard to pay off our bad debt, and at the rate we are going we could have it all paid off in about a year. That would be awesome! Then we could save some money, I could go to school, and we could look at buying our first house. So, in trying not to spend very much our options are reduced greatly. We have a latte every Saturday, maybe have a quick fast food dinner once or twice a week and that's about it.

This was an adventurous night!

But I need more adventure. I need more spontaneity. I want to see more of Calgary and go to the mountains and learn to snowboard. I want to sky dive, and go white water rafting again, and take a grand vacation. I want to learn to surf and wakeboard, and climb an ice wall. I think that adventure is what is missing for me. There is this void, this boredom that is insatiable. I have never been such a couch potato, and I hate it. There is so much of the world, and even just my city, to see and experience and here I am in the condo that I know like the back of my hand doing nothing. For pete's sake, I don't even use the pool in the building. 


I don't mind being a home body. I am a different person now compared to who I was in high school when our mini adventures were a regular occurrence.  I am more introverted and reserved and really enjoy just having a few close friends over for a card/board game and a glass of wine. But I feel like that attitude sometime makes me miss out on other beautiful things. I need to make time for those things. But on the other hand, my husband and I are chalk full of stuff to do nearly every weekend, so it is nice to be able to just sit and relax and not do a whole lot once in a while. I just think that doing nothing is becoming too regular. I need more irregularity in my life, without disrupting the routines that I cling to and need. I know that it's possible, I have had that before. I guess I just need more balance.

-SP