Suspicious Activity

My husband and I had a great dinner tonight with a couple people from our new church. They are also quite new to the community, so they extended an offer to us to sit and meet with them. I was quite taken aback by this. Our last church was decently good at community in the time that I went there. The young adults ministry was especially welcoming and wonderful. But it's a strange concept to me, to be asked by another couple in the church for dinner. I didn't really know what to do with myself.

A completely unrelated, but cute pic of a penguin!

I am a suspicious person. A very suspicious person. I usually expect the worst and wonder about ulterior motives when people who don't know me well or at all ask myself or my husband out for things like coffee and dinner. And my tendency to suspect and wonder about people is not limited to the afore mentioned situations. I am like that with most things. I am a critical thinker with little grace at times. I don't know why I am like this, exactly, but I am. I am especially suspicious of people within the church that ask for our time in a more intimate setting. I was asked to meet with a woman at our church in Edmonton, and she asked some very personal questions. I felt cornered and since then I guess I kind of expect that everyone will be like that, that everyone wants to insert themselves inappropriately into my life and the life of my family. 


My husband is the opposite. He gives people the benefit of the doubt nearly all the time. He sees the good in people, the righteous in people, and wants to become more connected in the community. We sometimes miss each other when it comes to things like this. I have been trained to be suspicious, in both my upbringing and some ill experiences in a community that I once loved to be part of. I am working at being different, something other than the product of my negative life experiences, and each day am seeing small victories. But it is easy to revert back to old habits, and become and unwelcoming, cold person that people steer clear of. And for what? My own, unconfirmed, completely ridiculous insecurities. 


So we went tonight. And I tried desperately to think differently, to be open and inviting. And my husband was right; they genuinely wanted to know us and who we are and have us know them. And they are a beautiful couple, one that I already look up to and admire and want to be like. We talked at length about situations in their life when they have had to fully trust in God for provision and peace. And the stories that they told are seriously amazing and have helped me to have a renewed love and passion for Jesus. It was awesome to get a glimpse into their lives. To the human mind, they don't have much. You might even say that they aren't smart, or are unsuccessful. But I know different. We spent a few hours with them tonight, and God's love and mercy is so evident in their testimony, and in how they live and parent. It was such a privilege to get to sit with them and listen to their stories.


And they were interested in our lives, and how we are, and who we are. They asked how they can pray for us, and support us. They stressed that they want to build relationships. We want all those things too! It was a very great experience for me.


I am learning; learning to let go of my insecurities and trust that God has what is best for me in mind when He provides opportunities to build relationships with others. And it will come, slowly. I may need to relearn it lots. But as I let my guard down and allow my heart to shine through my sometimes hardened exterior, He will move and He will provide a safe place for it to fall. 


-SP