By the time January, 2010 rolled around, my husband and I knew that we were moving to Calgary. We didn't tell many people, but did share the news with a few friends after the Christmas Eve service at church in 2009. We had been throwing around the idea for a couple months by this time, thinking that July 2011 would be the time that we would switch cities. But a few weeks passed by and we quickly realized that it may be much sooner than that, although we didn't expect that it would be as soon as May. We were so excited about the prospect of change. It gave us so much hope for what was to come. We knew that, especially for me, there would be dark and difficult days ahead, but a new beginning was also on the horizon somewhere, and we had strength to endure.
I was then left to sift through an unhealthy friendship. The whole situation led to a bunch of things. My husband and I stepped down from a ministry position that we had been heavily involved in for quite some time. I really felt that I wanted to step away from it, because if this person and I were going to have resolve in our relationship I didn't want her to feel that I was seeking reconciliation because I wanted to be a leader in the church. I wanted us to be able to seek and find each other, and find healing, when we were ready and not under prying eyes.
I sat with my cousellor and told her of our plans to move. We didn't have a definite time line at this time, but our plans had changed from July, 2011 to July, 2010. With the end of the friendship and the resignation from the ministry, we were beginning to see that there wasn't much keeping us in Edmonton. I had been seeing my counsellor for almost three years by this time, and together with her made some goals which included sitting with my father and confronting him in love regarding the abuse that was suffered at his hands as a child.
In March, I felt alone, but was starting to more deliberately build relationships in our new home, Calgary. By this time, I had met my best friend, and wondered where she had been all my life. She and others were a huge support to me.
I invited my father to meet with me for the fist time in March. It went exactly as I had expected. He didn't respond well, which is fine; that's his choice. So I again invited him a couple weeks later, where he walked out on me, and then again a couple weeks after that. He rejected me all three times, at which time I ended the relationship with him. We haven't spoken or seen each other since.
My counsellor asked me to write a testimony of the counselling and healing process that she could give to new and existing clients who are experiencing a similar process. God gave me a vision, the most beautiful vision I have ever had. He gave me this amazing analogy to my healing, and then carved out this amazing space for me to write it all. I truly believe that writing is annointed and is an accurate and relateable picture of the healing process.
At the same time that the cut off with my father was occurring, my husband's parents contacted us. We hadn't been in contact with them for about a year at this point. The relationship was not good. We decided to meet in April. We had two meetings in one week at a central and neutral location for all of us. It was an interesting time for me. I had just experienced the emotional detachment from a man that I now refer to by his first name, and felt raw and uneasy about what was about to be talked about with my husband's family. But what happened was beautiful and surprising. Everyone was in the right heart state to hear and listen, and what we saw was some immediate healing. And though healing is still coming in some areas of relationship, we actually have a relationship now, one that is safe and vulnerable and validating. I could really see how God had orchestrated the entire thing. I was rejected and cut off from my own father, and accepted and loved fully within one week by a new family. I couldn't have asked for it to happen any better.
We told my husband's parents, who reside in Calgary, that we had plans to move. They immediately offered one of their properties to us to live in. Shortly after that, my husband had a job lined up, and within a week of moving I had a job. It was unreal.
We moved, left a church body that I had been part of for a large chunk of my life, left friends that I had confided in and loved, and went away from my siblings who are my entire world. It was stressful. But God quickly filled the holes with new things, better things. We started to look for a new church body to be part of, one that is led by leaders who are respected and give respect. We started to build relationships with new friends, relationships that are full and whole.
We found a church that we love. And though I struggle at times with wanting to be involved, and not knowing if my heart is ready for the challenges that come with being part of a leadership team, I know that it's a good place for us right now. And we are happy there, much happier than we were and, ultimately, much more respected than we were. Respect is a huge for me.
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| My sister came to visit me this summer :) |
We have started new traditions with our friends. We have had a Christmas celebration and summer vacation with our best friends. It was so fun. And other amazing friends of ours had a baby, who is beautiful and wonderful, and whom we love so deeply. We have plans to paint our house and maybe get a new car.
I decided that I want to go to school. It's time. I know what I want to do and where, it's just a matter of when. I know when I want to go, but I don't know where that fits into God's time.
My husband and I saw our first anniversary. It was a trying year at times, but worth it. He is so worth it. I love my husband more than anyone on this entire Earth. I am so blessed to have him in my life.
I got to be a bridesmaid for the first time for a woman that I love dearly. It was an awesome experience.
The year was full of change and frustration, but the victories were large and satisfying. I hope that next year will be equally as satisfying and blessed. I have a great life.
-SP
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