Circle Of Influence

I am currently talking to my brother on facebook chat. He is amazing. All my siblings are younger than me, the one that I am speaking with is third in line in the age chain. He is 17, will be graduating high school next year, has a car and all the girls are after him.

I watch his facebook. I observe who he talks to, how often, and who is commenting on his status changes and pictures. He is in this huge transition stage of his life, and it's interesting to sit back and watch how he sees his world, what he is learning, and how he is different from me and my other four siblings. I asked him tonight about this female friend of his that comments on everything, as if she waits for him to post something like I used to wait by the phone in case "he" called. My brother told me that they are just really good friends. Now, I would believe that if it weren't for the fact that she comments on his pictures, telling him he's cute with a little heart at the end of her sentence. So I asked him about it a little more.

He said that there is nothing going on, and I believe him, but I believe him to be naive like most men his age are. I told him that I have had lots of close male friends, best friends even, and while I was single I never once commented on their stuff or sent texts with little hearts. So he may not see it, but I think she might have a thing for him. And rightfully so! He is young, ambitious, attractive, and one of the absolute sweetest people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. And I have seen the worst of him. Growing up was not a cake walk. But we grew, and grew up, and now have this amazing brother-sister relationship. I long for him to know that I love him and have his back should he ever need me, and even when he doesn't. And I don't have a problem at all with any girl that would come into his life. He deserves to know the love of a woman. I just want to see him make good decisions.

So we chatted, and I gave him my sisterly advice. I told him that there is wisdom in knowing who to choose to be with and when. I also said that he may not always be wise. I sure wasn't. I threw my heart at whoever seemed suitable to take it, and usually those people weren't at all equipped to handle it with care. But, I told him, if you take your time, think through things, let God speak to you about the women you are interested in or who are interested in you, you will make good decisions. I then told him that there are other guys in his life that I know he looks up to who want to walk through these things with him, and want to be there for him, so if he needs someone or advice he should go to those people. I then made some tongue in cheek comment about how he probably won't want to come to his sister. What he said to me floored me.

My brother <3

He told me that he just might, because I am one of the biggest influences in his life *smily face*. Me? I am one of the biggest influences in his life? Really? What an honour! I have talked in my last two blogs at least about experiences that have humbled me, and this is yet another that has helped me to know the work that God has done in my life. It is my desire to be a good influence to people, especially my siblings. As I said earlier, they are all younger than me. I want them to be able to look at me, look at my life and say "yah, she's made mistakes, but no one is perfect. She is a good person who loves God and I see Jesus in her". Now I know unequivocally that they do. 

In thinking about the people that I respect and admire the most, there is one thing that they all have in common. They aren't striving for anything other than Jesus. One cannot strive to be an influential person, that will lead him no where. If I strive to be a good influence, I think that would be fake. It reminds me of my father. He has admitted on several occasions to me that he is two very different people; one at work, and one at home. At home, he is a dictator. He is abusive, angry, reclusive, uninvolved, and petty. At work, however, he is a servant. He listens only to Christian radio stations, he seeks opportunities to share about the love of Jesus, he doesn't swear, he is patient and he is kind. But he is not real. Someone that he works with might call him a good influence, a man of God, but his family knows better. I know that that's not how God has intended for us to be.

And I may have ended up just like him, if it weren't for the influence of some amazing people God has put in my path. I was him at one point in a way. I was jovial, spiritual, loving and selfless around people, and then angry, confused, resentful, and toxic when alone. I wasn't real. And it was through a long process of awakening that I became real and vulnerable to all people (to differing degrees, certainly). It is because of that process that I have stopped striving; striving to be something I am not, striving for wholeness in humans rather than God, striving for purpose in my own selfish desires. And it is because I no longer strive that I can quietly, and without ever knowing it, be a good influence. 

You never know how you will affect someone's life by being in it. I am so glad that I have left a positive mark on someone, especially someone that I love so deeply.

-SP